Happiness can mean different things to different people. For some of us, money means happiness. But for someone who doesn’t equate money with happiness, it can mean something else entirely.

In 2023, the Pew Research Center assessed the happiness levels of Black adults living in America. The researchers found that Black Americans with higher incomes were more likely to report being “extremely or very happy” compared to those with middle and lower incomes. At the same time, the majority of all the respondents, on average, reported being “somewhat” happy despite the amount of money they earned. So, while money is one way of determining the degree of happiness in our lives, it’s not the sole factor, because at least 26 percent of Black Americans with lower incomes also reported being “extremely or very happy,” for the most part. 

Your Happiness Meter

Happiness is often measured based on one's overall satisfaction in life. It was Dale Carnegie who once said, “Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.” But can you still be happy when times are challenging? If happiness is about wanting what you have, then is happiness unattainable when your life is not perfect, and you feel as if you’re not getting what you desire?

Shifting to Happy

About a week before writing this article, I did an impromptu personal experiment. For four consecutive days, I did a reversal. Although, I could always find a reason to be grateful, I wasn’t happy with how things were going in my life. I felt like it was time for me to make some changes. I started with my attitude. Instead of focusing on my problems, I decided to focus on being happy. Rather than worrying about the future or thinking about the past, I focused, as much as possible, on living in the present moment. I stopped judging myself. I stopped worrying about what I didn’t have. I accepted where I was and how things were. As a result, my spirits were automatically lifted; I started feeling more positive. 

I decided to start meditating on these positive feelings to connect with happiness from within. I refrained from talking to others about “having more happiness” or lecturing about what it means to be happy in life. I also didn’t post thoughts or quotes about happiness on social media. My goal was to focus on experiencing happiness by being present with my own positive feelings throughout the day, despite the challenges I faced. Instead of talking about it, I decided to actually live with an attitude of happiness.

As I began, I also realized that I needed to be practical and honest with myself about my true feelings. As life continued to happen, I didn’t want to deceive myself about how I was genuinely feeling at any given moment. My goal was to focus on the positive without suppressing any negative emotions. So again, for the next four days I decided to live with the intention of being happy, by shifting my attitude. First thing in the morning and before going to bed at night, I meditated on feelings of unconditional happiness and unconditional love. This experience caused me to realize the following:

1/ Being happy requires living in the present moment.

When I focused on the present moment and accepted what was actually happening at that particular time, I felt much happier than when my thoughts drifted into thinking about what could happen in the future, or what already happened in the past. In order to maintain my current state of happiness, I realized I needed to give focused attention to whatever I was doing in that actual moment, and respond from a place of acceptance. Minute-by-minute, happiness, for me, meant living more consciously in the present moment.

2/ Being thankful makes your happier.

By focusing on the present moment, I began to feel more thankful. The more thankful I felt, the happier I became. I learned that feeling happy becomes easier when you can find something in your life to be grateful for. Shifting to an attitude of gratitude made me feel happier with my life. I stopped taking all the good things and supportive people in my life for granted; I felt more appreciative instead. I also valued and looked forward to spending time with friends and family even more. 

3/ Being happy makes you happier.

Being happy made me instinctively do things differently. The more I focused on being happy, the lighter I felt. I responded more positively to my circumstances. This in turn led me to make time to clear out some cluttered spaces in my home, which made me feel freer and happier. My energy also began to increase. I felt revitalized, which further increased my happiness. In short, I began to feel like I was on a 'happy-high' as I started to feel more and more happiness and joy. I resisted the tendency to do anything that day, or the next, that would cause me to feel unhappy. In fact, I became more optimistic as I found myself focusing more on the silver lining when it came to some things that I was dreading to do, but needed to take care of.

4/ Being happy is a decision.

Ultimately, what I learned from being happy is that happiness begins with you. It’s based on a decision that you make. You can still choose to be happy, even when things aren’t going your way. It can also be more meaningful when it comes from a genuine place of gratitude that starts within, rather than anything external to you. 

I also learned that focusing on the positive and choosing to be happy is not about being delusional, or ignoring the realities of life. It means not allowing negativity and pessimism to become a part of your everyday mood, or your frequent response to life. In fact, choosing to be happy can make you more resilient. The positive power of happiness can boost your brain cells and give you the strength that you need to overcome the negative circumstances that are bringing you down.   

You Can Still Be Happy

Overall, I’ve learned the more happiness you feel, the more good you'll attract into your life; and the stronger and wiser, and healthier you’ll become.

Sometimes people think that being happy when life is not perfect is about sticking your head in the sand and avoiding reality, but it’s not. You shouldn’t ignore your emotions, whether good or bad; but you also shouldn’t dismiss the fact that being happy is also a reality.

When you’re going through hard times, it’s important to support yourself emotionally. Remember, there’s a link between our emotions and our mental and physical health. When you’re not getting what you want out of life, you can still be happy if you choose. It begins with being thankful for what you have. Focusing on being happy based on unconditional love and a form of unconditional happiness can help. It can shift your attitude, reduce stress, and improve your mental and emotional health. It can also lead to more joy. 

Photograph by Samson Katt