We hang on to so much throughout the course of our lives. We often find it easier to recall and release the good experiences from our past, but we seem intent to hang on to the bad. We hang on to past hurts. We hang on to our regrets. We hang on to toxic relationships. We feel trapped by guilt and our own self-judgments. When this negative cycle repeats for too long, we may start to feel unloved and unworthy of receiving or experiencing anything good.
Francine Ward, author of one of my favorite books, Esteemable Acts, wrote that it’s an act of self-love to know when it’s time to let go. Instead of holding on to anger, fear, frustration, and disappointments from the past, show yourself some love by forgiving yourself and others, and let it go. Stop expecting to be disappointed in the future because of the past. Have faith. Be more compassionate towards yourself and extend that same level of compassion to others. This can help you become more accepting of yourself and all the good that you deserve.
1/ Release past disappointments.
If you’ve been hanging on to the fact that they’ve you been hurt or let down in the past, acknowledge your frustrations, and let it go. Recall the good moments from your life, and hang on to that. Remember the good things that you experienced yesterday. Remember all the people who supported you. Also, remind yourself about all the good things that you made happen in the past. Resolve to do it again today and expect to experience more good now and in the future.
2/ Stop judging yourself.
Instead of criticizing yourself, accept yourself instead. Total self-love requires total self-acceptance, which should be unconditional. Take stock of all the the things that you love about yourself as well as the things that you don’t. There are so many qualities about you that are beautiful and don’t need fixing. So, listing your positive qualities is a good place to start. Emphasizing the qualities you love about yourself first can make it easier to acknowledge and accept the qualities you like the least.
Grab your journal and make a daily list of all the qualities about yourself that you love and focus on it. Strengthen your strengths. Meditate on your good qualities. Envision the positive. Compliment yourself several times a day as you accept the qualities about yourself that you favor as well as those you don’t. Accepting yourself unconditionally affirms to yourself and to others that you are worthy of love because of who you are, flaws and all.
“It’s an act of self-love to release and let go.”
-Francine Ward, Esteemable Acts (2003)
Overall, loving yourself requires self-compassion and self-acceptance in order to release the negative and let go. While you can’t change the bad experiences that happened in the past, you can decide today to start living your life better than before by loving yourself all the more because of it.
Photograph by mimagephotography
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